We are telling our families what is happening.
After a week of wondering whether or not we should, I brought it up to hubby and we think it makes the most sense. I am sick of pretending that something that consumes many of my thoughts is non-existent when we are around loved ones. I do not want people to continue to ask me when I will get pregnant, looking over my shoulder to see if I am drinking or not. I see why they are doing that.....if anyone in my life were asked to describe me in one way, I am sure it would be that I love children. I work and live for helping children and it is no secret that I want many of my own...so it is only natural of them to put up their radar as I approach 29 and have been married over 2 years. I get it.
I also do not want to carry this secret with my next pregnancy. It is not fair to me or my next, hopefully healthy, baby. I want to tell my friends and family that I am pregnant and have them be happy and hopeful for us. I do not want at the same time they learn that I am pregnant, also learn it is my third. I want my next pregnancy to be as healthy and hopeful for many reasons, but mostly because baby #3 does not deserve to be announced along with a crying mommy having to tell the story of what has happened before he or she took residence in my womb.
I also thought about not telling anyone, ever. That was a fleeting idea that lasted 3 seconds. This is me, this is what is happening and this is real life. I need to let people know this for many reasons. Mainly it is because I am being selfish for once and I do not want to keep it a secret simply for fear of making moms sad, sister in-laws walk on eggshells, being asked too many questions, etc. I am telling people so I no longer have to pretend that I am okay. Because I am not entirely okay and with my next pregnancy I am positive I will be full of smiles and hope but also a bit of trepidation will come along for the ride....and they need to understand why.
So I started off by telling my mom which went very well. I cried a lot...mainly because I have not had to speak about this in any cogent, clear way to someone before, making me realize how bottled up this all is. It went well. She was really sad and felt horrible about sending me children's books for Christmas....she is very sweet and I re-assured her that it was fine and she did not know.
So here I go, I'm going to call my 3 sisters.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Taking the plunge
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
I'm glad the conversation with your mom went (relatively) well. I hope the conversation with your sisters goes well too. And I hope talking to people generally about what you have been through and continue to go through helps give you additional strength and peace.
Coincidentally, P and I talked last night about whether/when/how we would tell people that our first successful pregnancy (hopefully this one but I'm not counting these chickens yet) is not our first. I think we should and I think P thinks so too. For me, it's mainly about friends/siblings rather than parents, as for me a lot of it is wanting to be sure that any pregnancy announcement we are fortunate enough to be able to make is coupled with an acknowledgment of how painful such announcements can be for those who desperately want children and have not been blessed with them. This whole experience for us has been compounded by the aloneness of it (with respect to people we know IRL), and statistically friends of ours (or our siblings) will miscarry and/or have fertility problems, and I hope that if/when that time comes they will feel less alone than we have. But P also didn't want people's first news of us and kids to be that we had a miscarriage, which is why we haven't really told anyone yet. I'm not sure if that will hold if this doesn't end well, but it's the plan for now.
I'm proud of you. Telling people is really hard. It is a brave thing to do. We've told a very select group of people and so far it's gone fairly well. Every now and again we get an uneducated comment but for the most part, people have been incredibly supportive. (and my mom makes ridiculous comments too)
Hope telling your sisters went well too
First off, I am so proud of you for choosing ot tell people what you're going through. It personally took us a while to do that. Part of it was that it felt humiliating to admit we needed "help" doing something so natural, and part of it was wanting ot actually be able to surprise people with a pregnancy announcement when the time came, and part of it was just wanting some privacy! But... I've never, ever regretted "coming out." I cannot imagine what you've had to go through not just TTC unknown to others, but having experiences your miscarriages without their knowledge too.
Secondly, though, I am sorry your mom had to go say something so uncouth. Just makes it sound... minimized. "You can just...." Even as a joke is inappropriate.
But anyway, bravo, and I hope your sisters will be more gentle and sympahtetic (and wise!) in their receiving the info.
Good luck with the rest of the family. It can be hard to let them in, but hopefully you will find that they can provide a lot of support and you will be glad you told them.
ROCK OUT!! I am so proud of you. Good Luck calling your siblings! I hope and pray that they are very supportive to your needs
I hope it all goes or went well with telling your sibblings. I think this is a good plan to tell others as it will hopefully help you not feel like everyone is always questioning when you will have children etc. Good luck.
Well done for taking the plunge. I've definitely found it easier having people knowing our story.
I am so glad you decided to open up about this with your family. When I starting telling people it was amazing how many understood and supported what we were going through. Of course, you still get the unhelpful "relax" comments and the "helpful" friend-of-a-friend success stories but they are far outnumbered by the thoughtfulness and concern displayed by friends, family and even some co-workers.
Hope the conversations went just as well with your sisters.
Good luck telling your sisters... it is a hard thing to do- but at the same time you will probably feel like a load has been lifted from you.
Meg, so proud of you. It was too very hard for me to tell my mother that I had just suffered a second loss. I told her only after coming home from Chicago. ( I spent the entire weekend crying secretly) I did not want to hear it while in Chicago while trying to have a good time. You will probably find if you just tell them that you don't really wanna go into much details. They may understand. I explained to my mom that it was not easy for me to discuss this and I really did not want to discus the matter much more. She totally understood. She was bummed and sad. The rest of my friends have just let it be. Hubby and I determined when we were pregnant that we would wait to tell friends/family until we were at least 3 months.
Take it easy..
I hope that sharing your news with those closest to you is met with the utmost level of love, compassion, and understanding.
I'll be thinking of you...I hope you feel good after you let the "cat out of the bag". Let us kow how it goes.
I often think about letting this dark secret out to my family and friends that don't know- I always chicken out for fear that I will become the "girl they pity". But I do think their is alot to gain from your family and friends being in the know.
*hugs*
It's very brave of you to tell your family; in having that conversation, you are revisiting a lot of very painful memories. Although neither of us are very close to our families, we decided in the end to tell them that we were having difficulties in conceiving - if only to stop all the endless questions about when were we going to make them grandparents!
I hope your mother and sisters will be able to offer you the love and support you need to help you through all this.
I hope that sharing your struggles with your family brings you more support when you need it. Best of luck! It's not an easy thing to share with people.
Post a Comment