I went to Music Together this morning with the twins. We go every Friday morning and they just love it. Today we danced and twirled with rainbow ribbons to "Shiny Happy People" by REM. While dancing, holding one of the twins....I felt like crying. I felt this ball just take over my throat. It was not a sad cry I felt coming on, it was one of realizing that I need to take a moment each day to relieve the tension I feel and just be who I am.
I am in so much pain and confusion this week but in that moment, I realized that this will pass. I will learn more, make a decision and move towards my goal of being a mother. This week my mind has gone in places I am terrified of - miscarrying again, delivering a stillborn child, not being able to ever carry a pregnancy to term, having a disabled child.....
I forgot to breath this week and in the moment of twirling with a little one in my arms, I actually took a breath and it felt really good.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Shiny Happy People
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7 comments:
That used to be one of my running songs. I love REM.
Have you decided if you're going to do anything about the septum?
ah what a great picture!
I am sorry that you felt that way. I wish I could give you a hug!
Those fleeting moments when you break free of, of whatever...those are the best.
Hubby had a t-shirt when I met him that said, "Shiny Happy Pizza."
It's what we're having for dinner tonight, and I'll think of you.
I have moments where my loss kicks me in the head and I have to stop and regroup. Sometimes it all just gets away from you.
I love the picture of you twirling with the twin...I think that's the only thing that gets me through some days...knowing that time will force me to make decisions and in the end make it through.
I love those moments, when you allow yourself to be caught by the beauty and light of the moment, and you are nowhere else but here, right now. And then, you remember to breathe. It is like a deep ache and a deep laugh are released all at the same time. I am glad you took a moment to just breathe.
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