We took our BIL and SIL out for dinner last night. They have a little one, our niece who is almost 2 and who spawned our decision to have children the second we saw her at one day "new" at the hospital.
I knew the dinner conversation would eventually turn to their procreation planning as it always does. They will begin trying for #2 in June, so the second trimester will be around the time they head to a wedding in Mexico. How nice to still believe in planning a healthy pregnancy. Anyways, they wanted to essentially get our permission. They wanted to make sure it was okay with us if they got pregnant. I appreciate their strange form of support, really I do....but who the hell am I to tell them what to do and when to have another child?
Not sure how to respond, I just told her we would not have a problem if they got pregnant. I am curious how last night would have gone if I said, "No, could you wait actually. We really would like to be next in line". But that is not the way I feel. To me there is no race, no line for having a child. Do I want a child? Yes. But do I feel like they have lapped me in a race since they are on to #2 already? Absolutely not.
To be perfectly honest, I want them to get pregnant again, right away. I need someone close to me have a (hopefully) smooth pregnancy before my eyes. I have not had someone close to me pregnant in almost 2 years, except me of course. I need to witness a healthy pregnancy because I am just so fricken scared.... Another friend of ours just got a BFP and I am also thrilled. I want all of these women to all get pregnant right now!! I have this awkward need to have many healthy pregnancies around me....just to see that they do actually happen.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Do you mind if we get pregnant?
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13 comments:
I get that. When I need a shot of hope I find myself reading the blogs of those women here who are now having healthy pregnancies after previous loss. It helps.
Gosh, I hate how this m/c has put me in the path of so many awkward conversations. Were they really going to wait, if you said you wouldn't like it? I'm sure they were just being sweet, but it puts you in an even stranger spot.
I hope she has a lovely pregnancy, and it gives you lots of hope and comfort. I like seeing people have an easy time of it, too.
You're good. I would have thrown myself at her and begged and screamed to please not get pregnant because I wouldn't be able stand seeing one more adorable pregnant belly while mine is still, well...not exactly flat, but definitely not cute and pg, either!
I'm with both you and Newt -- how exactly would they have responded had you answered otherwise? It seems like a strange question to ask, though it was nice of them to at least think of how it would make you feel.
I hope her pregnancy, should she achieve one, is healthy and easy so as to give you that comfort and sense of hope you crave.
that is a strange thing to bring up! Hmmmmmmm. I've been in such a mischevious mood lately I probably would have said not to just to see what their reaction would be for the fun of it! :)
While it is nice to have others take your feelings into consideration, it can also lead to such awkward situations. It sounds like you handled everything with a lot of grace and compassion. I truly admire your strength.
You are such a nice sister in law... As much as I am happy for everyone being happily, healthy and easily pregnant, I can't shake the feeling of being in the back of the pregnancy line...
Yeah, I'm sure they were just wanting your expected blessing - to show that they did think of you. Not to actually ~ask~ for your permission.
Wow - to plan on ttc AND plan on when they'll be in 2nd trimester. So they just expect to actually GET pregnant in June, eh?
Meg,
I think we all understand what you're feeling. I go from one end of the spectrum to the other- looking fwd to success stories to absolutely never wanting to see a pregnant woman again. It's up and down.
I'm cheering for you.
You are so generous! I am surrounded, and I mean surrounded by pregnant women. My boss, my friends, my neighbors. Honestly, I wish I could be more like you. Instead of feeling surrounded by their good carma, I feel like the isolated statistic - isolated, alone, marked.
Keep it up, and I'll be trying to learn from your upstanding example:)
I get the wanting to see someone have a smooth pregnancy. I really want to see someone have that after a loss. Then I think I will have some hope.
That was nice of them to ask, albeit strange. And it was even nicer of you to tell you that you didn't have a problem with it.
I wish I had more of your generous thoughts. Except for people I've met through baby loss blogs, I know hardly anyone who's had anything other than a textbook perfect pregnancy and baby.
I know what you mean about wanting to see it go smoothly for someone close to you. Hope and the belief it can work can be powerful. These days it seems everyone I know, me included, has had some serious troubles along the way. I hope all goes well for your family.
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