I spent a lot of today relaxing and really trying to slow down. I slept horribly last night so a lazy day was needed. I watched Love Actually on repeat this AM...awesome distraction. We took the pups for a long walk and had a great lunch together. The house is sparkling - which typically happens when I am stressed out. After cleaning I took a long nap, finished a huge class assignment, watched Grey's and finished all of the laundry. Good day.....
I had some nausea this morning and my boobs continue to be sore. I was really tired this morning too. I think I am getting a cold, the twins were sick all week and naturally I am too close to their little faces so I usually get anything they have festering. No spotting since last night. Watch, just typing that will bring it back. I had pretty moderate cramping today but I am trying not to obsess. Maybe my ute is just growing and stretching. Or killing my baby. Or growing and stretching.
How can I be grateful that I had a 7 week ultrasound with a strong heartbeat - a huge step for me - but also juggle this crippling fear? I am simultaneously imagining a July baby and what summer birthdays will look like while also discussing with J that if on the 4th there is no HB, Christmas is canceled. Seriously, this is absolutely crazy.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Good day - Feeling a little better...
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9 comments:
I know this probably doesn't help at all because we've both been down the miscarriage path. But there's been lots of women on my blog who have spotted as well and didn't miscarry. Not to mention me and my two big events of seriously bleeding huge clots with this pregnancy. That's was a joy...but those nuggets continued on. If that isn't inspiration I don't know what is. I'll be crossing my fingers for you.
It is torture, isn't it? On the positive side I have heard many many stories, many from woman I know IRL, who experienced spotting during pregnancy and went on to have healthy babies. I have good friends with a history of m/c who also experienced spotting during pregnancies that turned out fine with healthy wonderful babies in the end. None of that has ever happened to me, spotting has always been a bad bad sign for me, but it could be different for you this time with this pregnancy--I am hoping it is different!
But either way, it is just a scary thing to go through, so much anxiety and worry and trying to figure out your symptoms or lack thereof, trying convince yourself there is hope but at the same time being afraid to get too attached. It's just not easy no matter what you do.
Thinking of you!
Ugggh. I wish you could just have no spotting or cramping whatsoever and constant nausea, sore boobs and exhaustion. But I'm willing to bet that even that wouldn't completely calm your fears. Spotting and cramping can be signs of implantation bleeding-anytime during the first trimester. At least that's what my doc told me after my spotting/cramping episode at 10 weeks. But I know that it doesn't help to know that. You won't be able to stop your mind from going to that place. So I just want time to speed up for you...
Crazy, yet totally normal. I mean, I get this feeling because I have felt the hope and fear, too. And I haven't yet figured out how to live with both of them. Let me know if you do.
Thinking of you and wishing you that summer baby. XO.
I am so sorry you are going through this. The above comments are totally right - there are lots of people who spot and have a perfectly normal pregnancy with a perfectly normal baby at the end. Granted, a lot of us ARE on the wrong side of statistics but someone has to get out, right? Stand up and give statistics the middle finger for all of us.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for - I hope you can see that.
Sending you much love and peace . . .
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this game of emotional limbo. I will send lots of positive and peaceful energy your way until your appointment on the 4th.
My prayers for you are strange..they are for you to have all-out freaking vomiting and boobs of iron and feet of lead. This will be miserable, I know, but it may be the only thing that reassures. If that is even possible, and I'm thinking it's not. It just sucks that its a leap of faith. Some days you'll be good at faith, and some days you'll be bad. One thing is for sure, the outcome is not dependent on your outlook, so maybe that will ease any pressure you are feeling. All you can do is ease your way through it. It's fucked up and unfair. Even when you feel like you've kicked the doubt's ass, something else will happen to bring it on. There are many fears that I still entertain, some so bad that I can't even mention them on my blog. If the anxiety gets to be too much, don't be afraid to talk to your doc about it.
Praying that this little one sticks. It's a roller coaster, but it will hopefully be worth it in the end.
I'm sorry you are going through this. As a perpetual implantation spotter, I freaked when I had a day of brown spotting. My nurse calmed me down and said not to worry, etc. But still, it made waiting for that next u/s at 9 weeks so hard. But so far, so good.
Mind you, I still check the undies at 28 weeks.
I hope time speeds up and you continue to have sore boobs and all the other symptoms you want. You deserve this so much.
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