I received an email from my MIL today which went to all of the kids. She ended the email saying that all of the extended family is sending good wishes to the babies on the way.
The babies.
I am beginning to accept their news more and more each day but my fear of the becoming the pregnant twosome appears to be a tiny reality. I simply cannot be paired with anyone else's pregnancy, even in this tiny benign way. While I get we are only 10 weeks apart, I just need everyone to treat them as very separate pregnancies and babies.
Would you say something already or would you wait and see if this becomes more and more of the theme? I think I will wait to see how next weekend goes when they are in town but this small blip on the email is making me really aggravated. If next weekend is just a prego-fest, I will have to say something.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The babies
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7 comments:
ugh. what a tough situation! while I think it would be totally ok to say something I can imagine what an awkward conversation it could be and how it could be misinterpreted. Can you be truly open with your MIL and explain your fears around being lumped into a twosome like this? You may seriously have to step back from the inlaws for a while to avoid the full on babyfests. I don't know what to say here at all....just big hugs for you! (and for sprout)
Oh that is tough. I am sorry.
It does sound like a difficult situation. I think I would say something if it were me. But then again, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. :)
i would say something over the phone to your MIL. otherwise the two babies will be compared and everything will be done for the both of them (parties, showers, etc.)
it stinks that each baby can't be celebrated for the miracles they are!
honestly...i think the family is just truly excited and since they haven't been what you've gone through, they can't get it. i truly don't think they mean bad by all of the attention...on the contrary, really...they are thinking ahead to the babies being so close in age.
as far as saying something to your MIL...i wouldn't. when DH and i went through premarital counseling, our rabbi told us the wisest thing...don't ever do anything but be nice to your ILs - in other words let your spouse do the dirty work with their own family - because it is much easier for your ILs to hold a grudge against you than your DH. if you truly feel the need that something should be said, have your DH do your bidding for you, and hide in the corner. i don't know your ILs, but regardless, it will be much easier for you in the long run.
That's really difficult -- I'm sorry.
I'm guessing you've already decided to say or not to say something but if not I'm in the same camp as Journey to Junior(ette) -- I'd at least give serious thought to making DH do it, as your MIL is more likely to respect his wishes and/or not hold it against him. The key though would be making sure he takes ownership himself rather than making it about how *you* feel. If he can't (and I'm not sure my DH could), I'd either say nothing and feel bad about it silently or be sure to be clear that you appreciate her enthusiasm and are also looking forward to Sprout having a cousin so close in age but also that your pregnancy is already bound up with your losses and that you don't know if you can handle having it yoked to any other pregnancies. In the end, I would probably suffer in silence, but that's me.
That said, I hope she gets it on her own without you having to say anything at all.
I hope that the p-fest slows down a little, and that you aren't caused stress by it all. If you decide you need to say something, then absolutely do it for your peace of mind. Hang in there.
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