We got a call this morning that my SIL is pregnant. 4 weeks pregnant. I am so shocked by the lead weight I feel and this level of jealousy that I have felt for years with other pregnancy announcements. But I am pregnant - almost 14 weeks - and am perplexed at my response right now. I am excited for them, just so scared mine is still destined for some tragedy and then I will have to watch her grow and bloom. All day I have been walking around with a noticable tension and I am trying to find a way to just accept the news and not get bogged down in the what-ifs.
All is well in Sprouts world, I think. I am in the midst of the longest stretch of no spotting and I can still hear a little horse race on my doppler. So far, so good. I am taking this week by week which is all I can do right now, it seems like a comfortable pace for me. People ask me about showers, the nursery, etc and I feel so sick to my stomach at those times. If I am talking about the current week or even next week, I find I am just fine in those conversations. So that is where J and I stay.. Sprout's current week. It is working fabulously.
This week I bought maternity jeans which are making Sprout much happier.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Unexpected
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19 comments:
The jealousy might be of the naivite and fearlessness with which you SIL is able to make her announcement at 4 wks. It's ok to feel sad that you don't get to experience that.
Hopefully it comforts you some to know that many people, who you may never "know", are rooting for you, J, and lil' Sprout.
I hated everyone asking me about showers and the nursery when I was right about where you are now. It was crazy to me that they couldn't see into my heart and know how hard it was for me to be brave that nothing bad was going to happen. I felt kind of bitchy for doing it, but I did say to a few people "You know this is my fourth pregnancy right? It not easy for me to think that way yet." It did get the point across, if you think that line might work for you.
And... maternity jeans! Have you ever felt such bliss on a fat belly?! :)
I get it, and it is OK.
I am glad Sprout is cooperating these days.
My cousin announced her pregnancy at 4wks on Face.book. I already knew but it was still difficult to look at their happy faces holding the positive peestick.
Glad you're finding a good place to be in. Week to week is a good way to go. Stay in your happy place.
And yay for maternity jeans! :)
I think the jealousy is normal. It feels irrational but it's not like you can stop it.
I'm so glad Sprout is doing well!
I'm with you on the crazy feelings! I had a dd, had three losses, just had another dd and still others announcing pregnancy makes me feel a little hmmmm..something on the inside. Crazy but true. I always feel jealous or something not just right then a little angry that some people would actually announce a pregnancy to the world when the get double lines...silly people. Living day by day is great...it makes the birth even more sweet!!
Meg, I am glad you are progressing well. Each day, week is one step closer. The dr told me once I hit 2nd tri -- it would be less of a chance for miscarriage -- so hang in there. YOU AND SPROUT WILL MAKE IT. I waited until the last possible moment to have a shower. I didn't want to accept a shower or do the nursery out of fear. Please don't let that fear control you. I had a doppler too - which would allow me to relax a little and enjoy the pregnancy. YOur feelings are normal about your SIL.
Hang in there.
Maternity jeans from Motherhood maternity -- with elastic front are great I think they are called secret fit belly..
Your feelings are totally understandable. I am shocked when people carelessly announce their pregnancy so early and then sad because I have lost that feeling that 'everything will be okay.'
Glad to hear Sprout is doing well and good to hear from you!
I think your response is completely understandable. The fear will always be there for us, and this underlying feeling that everyone else will get their happy ending and we will not. We react out of fear, out of helplessness. We are products of our sad, heartbreaking experiences. And, it's hard.
Happy New Year Meg. It is OK to feel a bit rueful about your SIL's announcement. You've been to the dark side and back with what a pregnancy can bring. It is normal to feel the tiniest bit of resentment toward someone who knows only its bliss.
And buying maternity jeans is a HUGE step! Congrats on the new jeans!
I loved to read that you were using Dr. Sears' web site. The Sears' have become THE resource site for all things Missy at my house. I feel that they way they approach parenting feels the most "right" to me. The Sears' breastfeeding and sleep book have been most helpful to me.
And week-by-week is the best plan of all. We love a good plan.
xoxo Ms Planner
PS Heed my advice: get the cushiest, BEST nursery chair you can. Esp. if someone else is footing the bill!
Just wanted to drop by and let you know I'm thinking about you and Sprout in this current week.
The jealousy has never gone away for me, even now that Sweetness is here. I might just be a terrible person though ;)
Hoping this week brings you good things
I think after awhile, that jealousy feeling becomes hardwired. It is really hard to shake.
Congratulations on finding a time frame that both you and J feel comfortable focusing on. Each current week is just one step closer to the finish line. :)
Gosh, I totally get this. I don't know how to help it, but it's worth it to realize that's how we feel, and then just try to reconcile our feelings.
My sister announced she was pregnant with #3 when I was around 25 weeks. I was still SO scared of losing the baby to preterm labor. My immediate thought (even though I expressed lots of excitement, b/c I was happy for her) was, "What if I lose my baby and she doesn't, how on earth will I be able to look at her child without pain?" Going through pains and losses with pregnancies just makes others sting us. It's a fact.
I hope you can be happy for your SIL, but that you can be ok with how you feel. It doesn't make you a bad person to struggle with jealousy.
I love knowing things are looking well with Sprout. I check in on you every time you update and pray for a real live healthy baby!
Completely normal feelings that I don;t think ever go away. I just had a co-worker announce that she's going to be a grandma again and my first thought was - what if something happens and she has to make another announcement?
Glad to hear Sprout is doing well. Keeping good thoughts for you, J and sprout. Just stick to your week by week plan...
I would be jealous because she has no idea what could go wrong. 4 weeks is NOTHING as we both know. I am not jealous of the pregnancy, I am jealous of the blissful ignorance (i.e. "everything will be okay") which would allow someone to announce their pregnancy that early.
I would never, ever wish a miscarriage on anyone, but once you have one, other people's first trimester happiness is often difficult to stomach.
(*sheepishly grinning*) I wore my maternity jeans until Baby S was 3 months old. They are soooooo comfortable.
MissedConceptions
4 weeks! Geeeeeeeeeeez. That's like the egg has barely hit the uterus. What are these people thinking? Anyhow...of course I know how you feel as well. I had an old coworker just tell me she was pregnant and I'm already 25 weeks and I thought the same thing...what if I don't make it and she does? Just concentrate on Sprout...and your week by week plan. We are all rooting for you!
The jealousy will fade, but it might be a really, really long time (if ever) before it goes away.
I think it's just one of those things.
One week at a time is fine.
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