harder days

Mothering Finn is a wonderful experience, usually filled with joy most of the time. I have been blessed with a good sleeper, a smiley baby and a kiddo with an adorable demeanor - most of the time. This week, however, has been rough. I have a small cold and there is a considerable amount of stress. Those two things combined make the days go at a snail pace and frankly, they have felt like much more work than fun. Poor little Finn, he has to deal with a mom who is tapped out before the day has even begun. It is amazing to see his reaction to my inner stresses. It is as if he is mirroring how I feel inside. I thought it was him getting sick or teeth but I am pretty sure he just feels rotten because I do.

My father will go in tomorrow for brain surgery which will last almost 8 hours to biopsy and potentially remove a brain tumor. He is terrified which has sent us all scrambling to figure out what to do when the patriarch of the family lets his guard down. It is scary and I am still trying to process how to deal with the emotions and care for Finn at the same time. When I cry he looks at me and just knows I am sad. His reaction is very sweet at first - I swear he is hugging me. After a while, however, I think it turns to general unhappiness and I find myself sweating out the last few hours of our day - trying anything to keep him happy. It is as if he handled all of the emotions of the day and he is just toast by 5pm.


Tomorrow we are planning on spending a nice day together, trying to make the day go by quickly. He deserves a little mama time - and I deserve the distraction for the day.