Not sure if this post is even needed - I hope not. Finn is a very sweet, mellow little boy. He adores my husband and I and absolutely lights up when we enter his sight. He loves our labradors and gets into the most adorable laughing fits when they come close. He loves solid foods, is open to eating just about anything and sleeps like a champ.
I am worried though. Finn does not seem to be meeting his milestones like I would expect. I know what you think, all parents worry their child is not meeting their milestones on time. I have nannied for years and have seen this happen with every family - if not crawling, it is their speech. If it is not solids, they worry about their gross motor skills. I know.
Finn is just shy of 9 months and he is very quiet. He does not coo or babble. Ever. He communicates through his grunts. He has a long deep one when he is finished eating and bored. He has a quick succession of grunts/sighs when he is enjoying an activity. I can tell exactly what he needs and his lips are sealed shut. It worries me that he does not imitate us or try and babble. I know he can hear just fine and I know he is able to communicate his needs. It is just so darn quiet in the house.
Finn also is not stoked in social situations. When we go to playdates and other functions with kids his age playing on the floor, Finn is pretty grumpy. He is getting better but it is still hard to watch the other kids look at everyone with delight and seem to be holding many social exchanges with the other adults and babies. I simply stay close and model a very open and warm reception of other people, hoping Finn will catch on that it is okay and feels good to be with others.
Finn also does not seem close to crawling, pointing, pulling up, clapping or waving. We still have his crib on the highest level - he just has never given us any reason to lower it yet. He rolls a ton, reaches long for toys and sits up just fine. He just appears pretty content in staying put.
I hope this post serves as a safe place for my worry. I don't want this to seem as if I am paranoid, just observant and growing impatient :)
I imagine this will all pass soon, as I know both personally and professionally of the variances in development. It is just a whole new terrain when your child is involved.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Just say something
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14 comments:
It is SO natural (as you seem to know) to worry that your child isn't doing things "on time." I can't even tell you the range of things that ran through my head as my little guy was going through babyhood. He wasn't talking when he "should" have been (although he was babbling and making lots of sounds) and it turned out that he had fluid behind his eardrums that was making it impossible for him to hear how sounds really sounded. I also contacted Early Intervention at the suggestion of his pediatrician, and he ended up doing that for a while. If they have Early Intervention programs in your area, I highly recommend that you have him assessed if you're concerned. If they feel that he's behind they can work with him, and there's no pressure to accept the services if you decide after the assessment that it's not for you. It may put your mind at ease, and give him an extra boost that he may need. (It's also a state run type of thing, so it's VERY cheap, and they work with your child at your house or at your daycare.)
Oh, I forgot to mention that he got ear tubes for the fluid in the ears, and that made MUCH more difference in his case than the EI did. He started talking almost immediately after the tubes went in.
Oh Meg! The worrying never ceases does it? I hope lots of people are able to come and give you helpful advice like LuckyOnce has. I know the waiting for the milestone or the answers is hard. Hopefully in a few months this post will just be a place to look back on.
Hanging in there with you!
That's tough. For what it's worth LG was much older than other kids before he ever tried to clap or wave, but he did do it.
Finn may just be reserved in social settings, checking things out.
I think by 1 year they are only supposed to be able to say 3-5 words which isn't many at all.
Hang in there!
Ignore all the other people who are obnoxiously bragging about their kids. He sounds like he might just be a shy little boy. Of course, mention your concerns to your pediatrician but try not to worry too much. I work in early intervention for developmental delays and it takes a lot more than what you described to raise my eyebrows (but as a mom, I totally get where you are coming from)
As everyone else has said (and as you yourself noted), I think almost every parent worries about her child and his or her development and milestones. I know I have, and I know most of my friends have as well. Harry was a late crawler (10 months -- he pulled up for the first time within a day or two) and a late walker (14 months) and a late talker (I don't know that he had any words at a year). Though he's been clapping for a long while, he only recently mastered waving at 17 months, give or take.
The ranges of ages for skill development are incredibly wide. I found it helpful to do periodic gut-checks with our pediatrician -- I worried, but I felt like my worry was more of a comparative worry (i.e. other kids do these things -- should I worry?) rather than a worry coming from a sense that something was actually wrong. So it helped to have her reassure me that he seemed fine but we'd keep an eye on things and to let her know if his behavior became worrisome. And at 18 months, he's perfectly on target -- ahead in some things, behind in others. I hope the same proves true with Finn.
I have no good words of wisdom for you, just validation that it is your job as a mom to worry. I hope this passes and turns out to be nothing.
S didn't walk until 19 months, so my pediatrician had us get him evaluated. Of course, he started walking days after the evaluation, but it really did put my mind at ease. He didn't even qualify for intervention and yet I was nearly in tears for days worrying that something was wrong.
Everyone worries about something at some point, so, welcome to Mommyhood!
MissedConceptions
sounds like you got great advice so far. I'd also recommend sharing your concerns with Finn's pediatrician. I'm sure it's nothing, but at least the doc will be able to ease your worries or let you know when it is time to get special attention. =)
Sigh. I told myself similar things with Gray -- that every parent worries about something, that there's a broad range of "normal," that kids develop at their own pace. But it still wasn't easy.
I don't know if anecdotes help, since you already know all this stuff, but here's mine.
Gray was not into babbling and didn't say a single word before he was about 14 months. He didn't imitate sounds or gestures and had very little interest in other people.
And now he's 18 years old, heading off to college in the fall and seems to have turned out just fine.
You are so right - it is easy to understand and know all the facts until it is your own child. Then your perception of what is 'normal' or okay gets completely wacked.
I try to be patient with Skeeter but the one thing I have learned is that the worry never stops.
I agree with the rest - Finn has his own personality. He'll be giving you a piece of his mind in no time at all.
We are also facing some developmental milestone issues. 16 months and no words. Lazy boyz. My little dude is also shy and a little disengaged in social situations.
I think the best you can do is what you are doing. Model good behavior. Put him in situations where he can learn from other kids. At least that is what we are trying.
He'll catch up. He will.
No real good words of advice here. Just letting you know that I empathize. I constantly worry too. Denis is 1 now and he babbles but does not say words. I spoke to my pediatrician about it and he said he wasn't too worried since he is cruising and waving. I think the books tell us to expect some of this stuff a lot sooner than we should. Or they fail to emphasize that every child is different and will develop at their own pace. I would talk to your ped if you are worried. He/she will have the best advice. I am sorry you are so worried.
There seems to be a lot of good advice here, but I will just add to trust your gut instinct. No one knows your child better than you...even the experts. The tough part is finding the balance between ignorance is bliss and being the paranoid mommy. You are your own best advocate for your child. If something doesn't seem right, I encourage you to seek some answers.
For Missy, it is sleep. Between her reflux, which we did not get under control until she was 7 months old, and her sleep apnea (18 months old), the poor kid never had chance. She - at 22 mos. - has JUST started sleeping through the night on a regular basis. I always felt like I had to trust my gut and be her advocate. Even though everyone - parents and spouse included - seemed to blame me for her sleep issues.
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