I love that I have a place where I can relay my randomness on my computer so I can get it all out of my head, mainly to move forward. I love this active journal of blogging....it does not waste paper, I get feedback on my thoughts and needs and I can refer to it when I want to "reminisce" (not that much of what I write about I wish to ever repeat in my lifetime).
SIL does not totally "get it". She is wonderful and supportive and I cannot blame her for really not knowing how to censor how she thinks and talks around me. 2 cases for my point:
I was almost about to need another job because the family I work for was not psyched in my need for a drop to 3 days, but it has since worked out and all is fine. When everything was up in limbo she offered me a job. Her and our friend swap kids 3 days per week. This is the friend who just delivered her son on the exact EDD of my first miscarried babe. Now, do any of you think it would be remotely healthy for me to even consider being a direct caregiver of this baby? I think not. But I guess she was not thinking about it in terms of me which was fine.
Last night she was discussing her best friend who is a doctor, whose husband is a doctor too and when they were going to have #2. I have discussed this before in my blogging but she repeated the idea that a woman could just plan when to deliver her baby, assuming it would work out. So this woman is going to get pregnant in August and have her baby in May, perfect timing for a break after her residency. Saying this directly to a woman who is anguishing for a healthy pregnancy, regardless of the timing, is beyond me. But again, she was not thinking like I do.
On another note, my awesome doctor (and his amazing pattern of emailing me with immediate results of my blood work)keeps relaying the same message to all of the incoming results....normal. If my HSG and my chromosome analysis come back normal too...I may scream. Or would I scream more if I did have an abnormality with my genes or uterus? Not sure which is worse to be honest - "unexplained" habitual aborter or a habitual aborter with a potentially un-fixable reason.
I turn 29 next Monday. We plan to go out for sushi and I am going to stuff a ton of raw fish into my body, as I am hoping it will be the last mercury/bacteria ridden grub I can ingest for quite some time.
You got the right stuff....baby. This makes my week, and it is only Sunday.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The beauty of random thoughts
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5 comments:
Wow. Do they have to change their name to "Old Kids on the Block?" Or maybe "Old Geezers on the Block?" I feel old reading about how old they are now.
I can relate to the conversations on timing a pregnancy (although I have to admit I had these thoughts before we started trying). Although not the same, I overheard a similar conversation last night. A friend we saw at a wedding is expecting his 2nd kid in April. When someone asked if they had picked out a name he said they hadn't because they were in denial that they were having another girl. They wanted a boy this time. Jeez, I feel real bad for them.
I love it! Hanging Tough! How funny..I *was* just singing one of their songs to my dogs not too long ago.
P.S. I have to admit I'm ridiculously optimistic enough to be planning on conceiving in April after determining a specific cause for my recurrent losses and treating it.
It seems so alien to me to think that there are people out there who are actually able to time their pregnancies to fit in around other commitments. As you say, I'd settle for a healthy pregnancy, regardless of what I might or might not have going on at work nine months down the line!
But there again, maybe my perspective is just skewed by infertility. Maybe this is in fact how most people plan their families.
I'm with Ms. Heathen on the whole idea of planning the month of your conception. I have a friend who did that to coincide with the school year. Knowing what I know now, I am amazed that people can do this.
I heard about their reunion, too funny!
I share your feelings about wanting a REAL answer to your losses, but the again, not wanting to hear something that may not be non-fixable. It's so hard. I just pray you'll find out something (since unexplained SUCKS), but that it will be easy to fix!!!
Let us know!
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