We could not find Sprout on the office doppler today so she rolled in the ultrasound machine and there he/she was moving all around with a fast heartbeat. Sprout kept bringing his/her hands close to it's mouth too, it was so sweet to see. Oh it is just so nice being able to look at the baby and see that, for now, all is going okay.
My doctor says that my spotting is likely just within my vaginal wall or it may be from the fibroid and my baby aspirin. The fibroid...the freaking fibroid. The ultrasound machines used at my OB office are archaic and she is so unable to measure and see details on it but when she pointed out the placenta and the location of the fibroid, I noticed the placenta is directly on top of the fibroid. But maybe not, maybe the image is just making it appear that way... I did not think anything of it until I was home and now I have completely worked myself into a fuss about it all. I have spent hours looking at fibroids and pregnancy, placental abruption and I am freaked out, thanks to google.
Please do not ask me about sizes or locations of the fibroid because I do not know and according to Kaiser's red tape, they feel like keeping me out of the loop on it all until my 16 week perinatologist appointment with a much better u/s machine. I am assuming that if my doctor felt she should say something, she would have. She told me that at 16 weeks the uterus and baby will be a size that the ultrasound can indicate whether the fibroid will interfere with the pregnancy. So until then, I am supposed to assume all is fine in there. That is hard tonight.....
Maybe if I think positively my fibroid will degenerate or the placenta will move. Maybe if I assume all is fine, the fibroid will not grow any larger and will stay small and out of the way. Maybe if I remember that my baby is healthy now and thriving and appreciate that fact, I may be more likely to have a live baby in my arms in July. But for one second I need to get this out there. I am so scared I will begin to see my belly grow and feel my baby and then the placenta will detach from the uterine wall and my baby will die. There, I said my fear and I have to leave it here.
I cannot walk around with that thought for the next 4 weeks before my ultrasound. I only know that could happen RARELY with fibroids because I went where I did not belong in the depths of Google. From this moment on, Sprout is alive, moving and thriving and I am going to remain focused on that. At 16 weeks, I will know more so I need to stay focused on what I do know right now. Sprout is in there and doing okay.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Sprout likes to be seen and not heard
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7 comments:
I know it took a lot of courage to state your fear like that. I think it is really good you did that. And I am proud of you.
It is so hard to stand in the midst of something so out of your control. But you are not standing alone. There are many of us standing with you and willing you and Sprout through the next 4 weeks.
And also? Yay! for seeing Sprout and hearing Sprout, and for Sprout's little hands by his/her face, and for all the amazing wonders within you right now. You are totally totally pregnant lady!
To put your fears out there and admit that they exist is to give them less power.
Spicy Sister is right, you ahve a lot of people walking along with you. You are not alone.
Hold on to that amazing image of Sprout and the joy it brings you.
I wanted to drop by and offer gentle hugs to you right now. No advice, just support.
Looking forward with you to the 16 week ultrasound, where Sprout will be doing back flips and waving those little hands around like a cheerleader showing off her spirit fingers!
i have 4 fibroids (one is humongous) and am currently almost 33 weeks pregnant, and the baby is growing right on target. i've had another fibroid degenerate during this pregnancy at around 20 weeks, and it scared the BLEEP out of me. although everyone's journey is different, if you want to read about my fibroid journey, you can email me at shastalove17@yahoo.com and i'll give you access to my blog.
It is hard to not have any control over the situation. I am thinking of you and hoping for the best, and wishing you as much peace and rest as is possible between now and your big u/s (((hugs)))
Ok, so when I thought I had a fibroid, I did ridiculous amounts of googling too. If you have not already seen it (which I'm sure you did) check out the site called fibroids - second opinion. I have the link on the left hand side of my blog. Anyways, I also read that often times, fibroids cause no problems during pregnancy, and the worst thing you could encounter is some pain when the baby grows larger and starts kicking it and potentially may have to have a c-section when giving birth. So I'd say, the odds are greatly in your favor for a very healthy and safe pregnancy. =)
I don't have any great, deep advice but I think you are doing great and I am wishing you nothing but the best. Now just tell 16 weeks to hurry up already.
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