Pneumonia

Finn is sick for the first time and it is a doozy. He had a high fever Friday into Saturday so off to urgent care we went. We spent most of Saturday there - mostly cuddling and chatting while waiting for procedures. Poor kiddo endured a rectal temp, catheter, bloodwork and a chest xray which pointed to pneumonia. He is on a strong antibiotic and slooowly coming around. I tell you, when your baby is sick - the world just stops.

31

My birthday is tomorrow. How am I already 31? I am thrilled to have Finn around to celebrate with me. We have big plans... We have a breakfast date with daddy and I get to go to boot camp without my baby tomorrow which is grand! We are going swimming and we are getting cupcakes from my favorite bakeshop. Lots of little pleasures - the best kind of birthday. But seriously, 31. Wow.

Dad is doing okay. The surgery was 7 hours long and unfortunately they were not able to get to the tumor. It was too risky and they tried several other options. Because of the surgery and they toll it took on his brain, he has been in rehab for the past week - learning how to walk again and put on a shirt. He is exhausted and plugging away. Still such a bummer to know you are doing all of this with another surgery in the midst. Neurologist and Oncologist appointments next week so we will know more. 

Finn is such a doll. He is understanding just so much more and I can tell he is going to be a funny kiddo.  His laugh is contagious and he now hugs us. Well, he really only hugs me because, well, I am the bee's knees!!

harder days

Mothering Finn is a wonderful experience, usually filled with joy most of the time. I have been blessed with a good sleeper, a smiley baby and a kiddo with an adorable demeanor - most of the time. This week, however, has been rough. I have a small cold and there is a considerable amount of stress. Those two things combined make the days go at a snail pace and frankly, they have felt like much more work than fun. Poor little Finn, he has to deal with a mom who is tapped out before the day has even begun. It is amazing to see his reaction to my inner stresses. It is as if he is mirroring how I feel inside. I thought it was him getting sick or teeth but I am pretty sure he just feels rotten because I do.

My father will go in tomorrow for brain surgery which will last almost 8 hours to biopsy and potentially remove a brain tumor. He is terrified which has sent us all scrambling to figure out what to do when the patriarch of the family lets his guard down. It is scary and I am still trying to process how to deal with the emotions and care for Finn at the same time. When I cry he looks at me and just knows I am sad. His reaction is very sweet at first - I swear he is hugging me. After a while, however, I think it turns to general unhappiness and I find myself sweating out the last few hours of our day - trying anything to keep him happy. It is as if he handled all of the emotions of the day and he is just toast by 5pm.


Tomorrow we are planning on spending a nice day together, trying to make the day go by quickly. He deserves a little mama time - and I deserve the distraction for the day.

the boy plays!

He loves toys and is beginning to enjoy our little games. He "honks" my nose and I make a new sound every time he does it. We swing him in a towel and hear the most adorable chuckles coming from within.

He sits up and grabs for toys and I especially love watching him rummage through the toy bin - throwing boring ones aside (anything that does not squeak or crinkle goes first). Valentines Day will bring bath items - a floating tugboat and a Sandra Boynton bath book - we love Sandra.

We love our walks to the swing set at the park nearby and hands down our favorite thing is the labradors in the house! I want so many of these little creatures, it is scary.

optimism

I have learned that staying upbeat and positive unless otherwise needed works best for me. I learned this being pregnant with Finn as the first half of my pregnancy was suffocated by worry, dread and catastrophic thinking. When I assume it is fine, maybe it will turn out fine after all, right? Finn is here and healthy and adorable and I now look back and see how many stressful days I could have spent enjoying his kicks and my ever expansion. I could have enjoyed the nursery prep and my shower. Instead I let worry take a front row seat on my shoulder.

I can use this new found lesson. My father is ill. He was supposed to come out for a visit last week and canceled due to increasing dizziness, loss of balance and nausea. An MRI confirmed a brain tumor, not huge but still worrisome because his behavioral symptoms are getting worse- poor old guy has a cane and handicapped stickers now. The doctor is concerned because the growth is unlikely to be the sole traveler, I guess from the type and location he suspects others. He will have a CT scan of his abdomen next week and will start with an oncologist to get the scoop.

My sisters are feeling like this is it and they are all planning trips out there. I had my moments yesterday after his call, especially when I went in to get Finn from his nap - imagining that there might be a chance my dad won't see him walk. I went there for a moment - and it was ugly. We don't know anything right now - so why not just roll with that for now?? Just join me in thinking healthy thoughts.