Thank you all for your comments to my last post. I have listened to him a few times this weekend and have not really gotten the clear deceleration like I did last week but I did notice when he would move, his HB would change a bit. I also have a feeling this is all a normal thing.
I am 20 weeks today and am amazed. I can feel him kick inside of me, I can still hear his HB and I am halfway to seeing him arrive. This is our son and I can imagine life with him so vividly. We ordered a rocker saturday and when testing it out in the store I imagined nursing and rocking him to sleep. I can walk in my kitchen and picture him in a Bumbo laughing while I act silly over the stovetop. I can look at the front door and picture him waiting patiently for daddy to come up the steps after work. My visions are no longer just of the child I want, but they are of him. All hopes and dreams of parenting are focused on this little guy and it makes me even more terrified of suddenly losing him.
I have to admit that this is still so difficult. I am still catastrophizing all of the possibilities that can go wrong. I am scard to lose him and find myself begging the universe to not break my water or allow red to appear on the toilet paper. I can get myself out of these thoughts easier than earlier in the pregnancy but they still exist. I have also had two vivid dreams of bright red blood the last two nights that have kept me up for hours at a time in the middle of the night. I imagine these are simply because I have my appointment tomorrow morning which always makes me a little anxious.
Tomorrow morning I will have my 20 week appointment which includes a cervix length check. Hopefully he is snug in there and I will leave the appointment with some relief that all is okay in there!
Monday, February 16, 2009
20 Weeks
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9 comments:
I can see you with him--you were meant to be a mommy. Good luck at the appointment tomorrow!
I'm so glad he's doing so well. You're halfway there! Keep visualizing him in the kitchen, in your arms...I think it helps.
I love the images you have posted, you will have many moments just like those.
As far as the weird dreams, pregnancy hormones do weird things, don't put much stock in those dreams.
Good luck at the doctor tomorrow!
Glad to hear things are going well. Wow, 20 weeks! You're doing SO well! I love hearing your visions of him. They are lovely- hold on to them. All be be fine tomorrow, I'm sure of it.
Wishing you a fantastic appointment tomorrow. Looking forward to reading all your good news! xox
I hope your appt goes well tomorrow and that you get some relief from hearing/seeing him :)
The worrying won't stop when he gets here either :)
Congrats on your 20 weeks! I know doesn't it sound unreal? That's how I feel about mine too. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow at your appt. Hope everything goes smoothly!
20 weeks is wonderful Meg!!! I have been reading and keeping up, just haven't had time to comment.
As for decels, they are both normal and necessary! I know it is scary, D. had a really long scary one while I was in the hospital, but he is fine, and so will be your little guy. Modern technology is a wonderful thing, but I believe there are all kinds of things that happen in utero that we are never aware of unless we are perring in with a doppler. Things that are fine and work themselves out. Babies are resilient little creatures.
I would try to limit the length of time you use the doppler. Aside from nornal decels, no monitor is perfect...
Oh my gosh! 20 weeks!!!!! Can't wait to hear the update from your appointment.
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I know how you are feeling. Seeing the heartbeat for the first time seems like such a small victory when I think of all that lies ahead. I hope your appt brings you more confidence and comfort.
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